this is the part i dont really like.
when i'm so sure that its in the past. it becomes the present.
i dont get it. why ?! haha! its infuriating.
like mother fcuking seriously. like a parasite that cant be eradicated
wormed in too deep to be found. lying in wait. just when you think its in remission
it comes back. weaker then its last appearance. but it will grow steadily. until its stronger then its last defeat. i dont want you. nor do i need you.honestly. but its something that cant be explained by the two words.

oh i've tried. believe me. what you know isnt that only incident. there have been others. when out of the blue, thoughts just pop out and i cant continue my objective.
its ironically funny. reminds me of the movie zohan. adam sandler and his "problem"
idk why its like this. i mean im haris. haris stickman. for gods sake. i dont get axed down like this. fcuking never. and here i am typing this blog post because i am.

there are others out there that will treasure you and every min of being together. wait fcuk others. theres me. i treasure you. you are fcuking important even though i dissapear. but you are stuck over there. stuck like a brick half buried in sand. neither in or out. im there always just out of the sand pit. waiting there. unwantedly. but you dont want that do you. yeah im screwed up in all sense. but you make my screwed up life happy. happy enough for me to wait there to be honestly happy again. its been for so long and im still here. why ?!
because of you silly.

we have awesome conversation. good old times. we can have totally serious converstaions and still laugh our asses out. we can be perfectly silent and not feel akward. be in our moods and totally feel content. honestly im crippled that you are there. the grass is greener on the other side. cross over. enjoy the greenery. all this empty words are meant for you.

coz as much as im out there having fun. its only fun then. not before not after. and even in the fun i think of you silly. you are a keeper. allow yourself that little creature comfort. at the very least. as fcuked up as it will turn out to be, be with someone that knows your value. its too high a price for me to auction for. but there are others. acknowledge them. be with them. you DONT DESERVE this. please ?