but those different girls i like. i dont know how to say different.

hmm.. like to read books. not your typical indian girl.

they exsist but are freakingly rare.

so i can safely say i dont like indian girls

Chinese girls are also a no-no. not because i dislike them like indian girls (:

because most chinese girls are like my close friends.

never looked at a chinese girl that way before. guess its just a mental block.

i prefer malays i guess. dont ask me why. i dont really know myself.

But these days none of the girls matter because i'm not interested.

totally. i stopped seeing girls that way. because of some stuff.

but another totally logical reason is simple to understand for you guys.

I'm in my final lap of my nursing diploma.

so basically my entire last semester is going to be spent in hospital

doing my freaking daunting attachment.

i cant be juggling attachment and trying to woo girls.

Its just too freaking troublesome and i'm too lazy to eve think of doing it.

after that i have a few months ??? of freedom.

Then i have to go off to NS. 2 years gone.

after that i have to work my ass off for 1and a half years in hospital

to get my needed experience to fly outta of singapore.

nothing is more important to me then that. Thats no.1 priority.

after that god knows. maybe i'll become gay (:

i 've always wanted to get out of singapore. theres a whole world out there

to explore. no way i'm going to be bound by duties here. no freaking way.

am i bringing my parents along ? the answer is a NO!

This is my own selfish backpacking/eye-opening/higher studies/ trip.

It is going to be a wild journey. Not something for my parents to bear witness.

think whatever you want. its not that i'm leaving for good. i MIGHT come back.

that depends on the future. My sis will be here in singapore and i'll send my folks cash from wherever i am. so its cool. And my folks know of my plans since a long time back.

I am not a family person. I dont like attending family stuff. going to events and stuff.

Its more of an obligation. well it used to be last time. Nowadays i cant be bothered

in following them. i guess they know i am like this too. And its such a pity my folks

arent open-minded. then i can be myself at home instead of hiding everything about me.

its troublesome. VERY troublesome. There are times i truly HATE them. like from the bottom of my heart. enough to make me want to kill them. However things have changed rather drastically. they are finally begining to cut me some slack. So things now are not as tense as they used to be. I'm glad for that. Its time they give me some freedom.

Although i seem to know alot of people and always in the center of attention. I'm not.

I have only a handful of friends. But those friends are treasured beyond anything. The rest are merely acquaintances. Its just knowing someone to pass your time. so that you have something to do in-between classes. Friendship is something of value to me. not every tom dick and harry is my friend. I have to feel comfortable. relaxed to talk what is in my mind without worrying what you think. if i'm not at ease at doing that with you. then forget it.

needless to say 90% of the people i know arent my friends. it might seem cruel to you if you know me. But i'm sorry. I dont divulge. unless you are worth it ya know. i have huge iron walls.

i dont talk. you arent allowed to enter. simple as that. no use complaining because my rules arent going to change. my head is my only secure place. and i like it to stay that way. i dont want you to sympathise nor empathise me. i'm not looking for your pity or your company. i'm just another solitary territorial creature and i prefer it that way :D

I like being unreadable to others.

I like being a mystery to others.

its not fun when every move you make can be predicted.

I'm not a nice person.

I'm not trustable.

I'm am me. Haris Stickman ",